Yes Sir, Catmander, Sir!

"Yeah, you don't wanna get in my way. I'm here to protect and serve...myself."

Red, White, and Cat

"Not only does it show my patriotism, the vertical lines make me look thinner."

How Irresistible Am I?

"Hello, stud muffin. Are you glad to see me? Tell me again how gorgeous I am. I know you want to."

Without a Splash

"This is the dive that won me the gold in the Barcelona Summer Olympics."

Home Weight Loss Program

"Something doesn't seem right. Are you sure this is liposuction?"

When Priorities Go Awry

"Bahahahaha! My experiment is a success. I can finally reach the top of the elusive china cabinet."

Caaaaaaaaaaatttt!

"I know you're really into the World Cup and all, but this is bordering on ridiculous. Am I supposed to be a soccer ball or some weird Japanese mascot?"

Guess What Time It Is??

"Forget purring, leg-rubbing, showing belly...you obviously can't take a hint."

So Wrong, It's So Right

"Now, would this portrait be any better if we had been thinner? I think not. This is one of the many functions we chubby kitties provide to improve the overall quality of life."

Sarah Palin's Cat

"Hey, you never know when a mangy dog is gonna walk into your bedroom. Ya gotta be prepared. You betcha!"

My Work is Never Done

"Hold down the fort, my faithful sidekick! I'm off to save the Earth from its latest threat, Tar Balls."

Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Beautiful

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking: the dreamy stare, perfectly positioned hands, pouty mouth...this cat is a professional model..."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

The Good Ol' Days

"Yep, I remember when this neighborhood was filled with hyper children, lawnmowers, and pink flamingos. I was just a wee kitten then, full of awe and wonder. Well, looks like it's time to retire and head to Boca."

Please Gain the Weight Back

"Yes, the gastric bypass was a success. I've never looked better!"

I Heart Sundays

"I luv staying up late on Saturday and then sleeping in. I'm still dreaming about Betty White."

Madame Tussauds??

"One of us is made of wax. You decided."

Kuntry Kitty

"Listen, I don't know what y'alls 'city' cats look like. But out here, they call me Skinny."

I'm All Fluff

"S-s-s-s-ee? I'm n-n-n-ot f-f-fat. I j-j-j-ust have a lot of f-f-f-fur."

The Getaway Plan

"Here's my chance! Maybe if I lie here still enough, she'll take me out of the house with the rest of the garage sale items."

Perception is Reality

"They tell me vertical stripes are slimming. And I've decided to believe them."

Care to Place a Wager?

"If you hit me again I will scratch your eyes out. Now, gimme my money, bee-yatch."

Happy Mother's Day

"Thank you for all that you do!"

2 Close 4 Comfort

"Hello. Some call us creepy. We call it destiny. You will be assimilated."
"Hello. Some call us creepy. We call it destiny. You will be assimilated."

Think of the Weekend

"You think you've had a rough week? Hell, I've had a rough life. So get over it."

Cat Fashionista

"Listen and learn: the well-dressed cat only wears Houndstooth. That's all those pesky canines are good for."

Just Breathe...

"Oooooomm. I need to find inner peace. Oils spills, car bombs, health care, earthquakes, Tea Parties. Oooooooooooommmmmmmmm."

Looks Can Be Deceiving

"Hahahahahaha. Ooooh, that was the funniest joke I've heard all week.
What's the matter? Why are you running away?? Was it something I said?"

The Olsen Twins of Cats

"We sooo totally hate your Fat Cat site. Chubby is sooo not a good look. Everyone knows that thin is the new black."

The Ultimate Fat Cat Remix

I Knead You Now

"Listen, Michelle, stop treating me like a piece of dough. I'm not gonna get any thinner the more you roll me."