Something Doesn't Feel Right About This

"Pssst, Maurice. Pretend you're enjoying this and when he relaxes his arms, head for the window. He can't catch both of us."

Climbing to Nowhere

"Uh, hello. I think the Mt. Everest setting may be a little too challenging."

Ya Think Ur Cooler Than Me?

"Uh, yeah. Thanks. I, um, do feel much cooler now. How 'bout next time we just turn on the air conditioner?

I'm Gonna Sex U Up

"C'mon, baby. Nobody's home. It's just you and me and this cheap Persian rug."

Someone's a Little Over Excited

"Woohoo! Aw yeah! Dy-no-mite! There's a sale on kitty litter!"

Getting the 411

"Hang up! I already told you there's no program for cats at Jenny Craig.
God, I am so pissed at you right now, Heather."

When is a Cat Like a Giraffe?

"Wow, my ass looks fat."

Just 5 More Minutes

"What part of 'I'm not done with my bath' don't you get??"

You Never Know Who's a Porn Star

"Nooooo! It was never supposed to be made public! I was young and needed the money. I should have never done that video."

(scene from Daddy Likeee)

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

"I'm not the one with the problem. You're the one with the problem! Who leaves the price on a gift??"

Don't Judge Me

"I'm not chubby. I've just got short legs."

My Own Private World Cup

"I pass! I shoot! I SCORE!! Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!"

Computers Can Be Draining

"What do you think, little Russian doll? Will I ever the 1000-friend mark on Facebook?"

Cat in a Carriage

"I'll start acting like an adult when you stop treating me like a baby. Got it?
Oh, I'm ready for my bottle now. And it better not be room temperature!"

Exercising My Imagination

"I think I'll go for a jog today. Oh wait, I see a cloud. Better not risk it."

I Heart Holidays!

"What's better than a Monday off? Beer on a weekday!"

'Nuff Said

I Pledge Allegiance to My Owner

"Why don't I feel so independent?"

I'll Do It Myself

"No, no. Don't bother getting up. I'll get my own dinner."

Let's Get Physical

"New month, new weight. It's time to go from 'sculpting' to 'buffing.'"