Objects May Appear Larger

"Fear me, both fish and humans alike!"

Bieber Lover

"Ugh. You Amereecans wis your baseball, deep-fried potatoes, tar balls, and healthcare. Tank goodness you have one national treasure, the Justin Bieber."

Geronimeoooooow!

"Who said it couldn't be done? I'm gonna be the first cat to base jump. But I feel like I'm forgetting something..."

Cat Pride Day

"Even I enjoy a little rainbow now and then."

Someone Needs a Blow Dry

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not one of those pelicans in the Gulf. This is my natural color."

Minimalist Cat

"I dare say, I would so appreciate if you would cut my food in a bit smaller pieces. Cheerio."

Stay Purrfectly Still

"Mmmmph. When...do...you think...they'll let...us out?"

Avoiding High Cholesterol

"What are you lookin' at? The doctor told me eating more cereal is part of a heart-healthy diet. You ought to try it, lardass."

Fuel-Efficient Automeowbile

It runs on milk and gets 52 miles per gallon.

Do You Like My New UGG Boots?

"I've got five letters for you: W. R. O. N. G."

Happy F-Day!

"Guess what? Even some dads love rotund kitties."

Get a Human Friend!

"Pssst. Is she gone? If I have to hear one more story about how I'm the only one that truly understands her, I'm gonna end it all.
By the way, has anyone seen my ears?"

Definition of Lazy

"Um, excuse me. Could you pass me the remote?"

Feeling Puffy

"Does my face make me look fat?"

Obscure Tom Hanks "Cast Away" Reference

"We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, than to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn WATERMELON!"

and scene...

Waaay Too Literal

"I have only one thing to say: Tastes just like chicken."

Was This a Craft Project?

"Oh, thank you soooo much for my new friend. It looks soooo realistic. You really fooled me."

Um, I have a Few Questions

"Seriously? Did you just put a frog on my head? Dude, what the f@@k is wrong with you?

Insecurity Breeds Loyalty

"Don't worry, little one. I'll protect you from the mean, big human. You know, I overheard him say he wanted to throw you in the trash."

It Wasn't Me!!

"I swear! I didn't leave that little present in your shoes. Or in the hamper. Or in the your coffee cup."

Early Riser

"Yaaaaaawn. Well, it's noon, time to get the day started."

Strong Personality

"If you ever want to see your car alive again, buy that mouse toy I like and feed me regularly."

Get Me Outta Here at Warp Speed!

"Listen, I'm all for being a sci-fi fan. But your obsession with Princess Leia is really starting to creep me out."

A Buttload of Fur

"Someone, please give this little girl a brush! I'm tired of being confused with the bathroom rug."

My New Spinning Class

"Go ahead, turn the machine on. I've got to lose some of this winter weight and I've seen what it does to your clothes."

Friday Night Fun = Saturday Morning Done

"Oh god. Uh. When will I ever learn to not mix beer, cabernet, and catnip? Someone please make the room stop spinning..."

Can YOU Find the Cat?

"I love it when my owner wears cat camo. It's like I'm here, but I'm not."

Carbs Make Me Sleepy

"No, no. I simply cannot eat another bite. Well, maybe one more. This is just too delicious to let it go to wa...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

It's in My Contract

"Do you mind giving me a little space? I'm not going to look cute or make stupid purr noises right now. I'm on break."

Unfair Advantage

"Of course you keep beating me. I don't have f'ing thumbs, moron!!"