F@ K@ Lover

Are We Seeing a Pattern?

2011-05-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

"I was thin when they brought me to the vet. Must be something in the water."

Is this a Cat or an Ewok?

2011-05-15T15:46:00.000-07:00

"Buuuuuuurp. Thank you nurse. Most kind of you. Uh, you can put me down now."

I'm Not Your Play Thing

2011-05-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

"I hope your cheap, plastic chair can hold the both of us. And btw, stop looking at me that way. You're creeping me out."

My Cat is Fat and I Like I-i-i-t

2011-01-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

All I Want for Christmas is...

2010-12-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

RIP Prince Chunk

2010-12-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

NY Daily News reports that this 44-pound cutie is no longer with us.

Did Someone Take a Dump in Your Hammock?

2010-11-23T08:41:00.001-08:00

"No, dumbass. It's me...your favorite rotund kitty."

Got Another Six-Pack??

2010-11-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

"Hey, it's Friday somewhere."

Hi, My Name is Mat

2010-10-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

"I'm a cat. I'm a rug. I'm a cat rug!"

Cat Wears Camo!

2010-10-07T08:32:00.000-07:00

"Can you see me? I can see you. In fact, I see more than I want to see."

The Doctor is In

2010-10-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

"Come in, dahling. Tell mama what is bahthering you."

Can You Keep a Secret??

2010-09-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

"Guess what? Nobody let the cat out of the bag."

This Isn't Going to End Well

2010-09-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

"I know we've had our differences in the past. Let's just hug it out, Eagle-meister."

Fat Camp Dropout

2010-09-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

"I just can't control those eating demons. This is what happens when my role models are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan."

Some Dogs are Cross-dressers

2010-09-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

"Take a look at this crazy mutha. Burp. Dogs tryin' to be cats crack me up. Burp."

Don't Try This at Home

2010-09-16T04:30:00.000-07:00

Shut Your Trap!

2010-09-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

"If I don't get all the salmon I like, I'm gonna tell your wife you like to wear her mmmmmmph."

Who's the Sleepy Baby?

2010-09-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

"I just love quilts. Don't you?"

Crime Against Nature!

2010-09-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

"Ok, so maybe I deserve to be punished. But that hippo was askin' for it!."

If the Shoe Fits...

2010-09-08T06:10:00.000-07:00

"...then it's time to buy a new one."

Lookout for Earl!!

2010-09-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

"Batten down the hatches!! A hurricane's a-comin'!!"

Braveheart My Ass

2010-08-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

"Geez. Drinks, drugs, fights...That's the last time I throw a party for Mel Gibson's cat."

God is Part Cat

2010-08-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

"Seriously, I know what I'm saying: Jesus said that I need to receive more food. He told me this morning while I was in the shower and I was, like, 'Jesus! Can we talk about this later?!' And He was, like, 'Yeah, okay. But tell them what I said!!'"

Furniture That's Bad for Self-Esteem

2010-08-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

"Don't blame my weight for breaking it. Besides, who the hell makes a chair out of a giant rubber band?"

I Love the Sears Portrait Studio

2010-08-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

"Look at me. Am I not the most amazing thing you've ever seen? You can't turn away, can you? No, you cannot."

Watchers Wait

2010-08-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

"I think I'll sit here for a bit while I catch my breath. This diet wears me out. By the way, your deck needs staining."

Lady Luck Sucks

2010-08-14T06:49:00.000-07:00

"I lost all my money and got drunk. Or did I get drunk and lose all my money?"

Knock, Knock...

2010-08-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me, I hear that you may be looking for a new furry friend?"

Only One Suspect...

2010-08-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

"Bad news: Maurice is dead. Good news: His final wish was for me to get his food."

Soon, I'm Outta here

2010-08-05T04:01:00.000-07:00

"Shit, nobody understands what I go through. One day, I'm gonna break out of this one-horse town and follow my dream to be a Vegas showgirl."

An "Inception" Birthday

2010-08-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

"This is one weird ass birthday party. What are those? Marbles? Is that a candle in a thimble? Am I wearing a sweater vest? You guys are freaks."

Bring Me More Food!

2010-08-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

"Chomp, chomp. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Chomp. chomp. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Something Doesn't Feel Right About This

2010-07-30T04:35:00.000-07:00

"Pssst, Maurice. Pretend you're enjoying this and when he relaxes his arms, head for the window. He can't catch both of us."

Climbing to Nowhere

2010-07-28T04:13:00.000-07:00

"Uh, hello. I think the Mt. Everest setting may be a little too challenging."

Ya Think Ur Cooler Than Me?

2010-07-26T03:56:00.000-07:00

"Uh, yeah. Thanks. I, um, do feel much cooler now. How 'bout next time we just turn on the air conditioner?

I'm Gonna Sex U Up

2010-07-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

"C'mon, baby. Nobody's home. It's just you and me and this cheap Persian rug."

Someone's a Little Over Excited

2010-07-22T16:03:00.000-07:00

"Woohoo! Aw yeah! Dy-no-mite! There's a sale on kitty litter!"

Getting the 411

2010-07-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

"Hang up! I already told you there's no program for cats at Jenny Craig.
God, I am so pissed at you right now, Heather."

When is a Cat Like a Giraffe?

2010-07-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

"Wow, my ass looks fat."

Just 5 More Minutes

2010-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

"What part of 'I'm not done with my bath' don't you get??"

You Never Know Who's a Porn Star

2010-07-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

"Nooooo! It was never supposed to be made public! I was young and needed the money. I should have never done that video."

(scene from Daddy Likeee)

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere

2010-07-14T03:56:00.000-07:00

"I'm not the one with the problem. You're the one with the problem! Who leaves the price on a gift??"

Don't Judge Me

2010-07-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

"I'm not chubby. I've just got short legs."

My Own Private World Cup

2010-07-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

"I pass! I shoot! I SCORE!! Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!"

Computers Can Be Draining

2010-07-09T03:51:00.000-07:00

"What do you think, little Russian doll? Will I ever the 1000-friend mark on Facebook?"

Cat in a Carriage

2010-07-08T03:39:00.000-07:00

"I'll start acting like an adult when you stop treating me like a baby. Got it?
Oh, I'm ready for my bottle now. And it better not be room temperature!"

Exercising My Imagination

2010-07-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

"I think I'll go for a jog today. Oh wait, I see a cloud. Better not risk it."

I Heart Holidays!

2010-07-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

"What's better than a Monday off? Beer on a weekday!"

'Nuff Said

2010-07-04T05:18:00.001-07:00

I Pledge Allegiance to My Owner

2010-07-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

"Why don't I feel so independent?"

I'll Do It Myself

2010-07-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

"No, no. Don't bother getting up. I'll get my own dinner."

Let's Get Physical

2010-07-01T03:54:00.000-07:00

"New month, new weight. It's time to go from 'sculpting' to 'buffing.'"

Objects May Appear Larger

2010-06-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

"Fear me, both fish and humans alike!"

Bieber Lover

2010-06-29T06:24:00.000-07:00

"Ugh. You Amereecans wis your baseball, deep-fried potatoes, tar balls, and healthcare. Tank goodness you have one national treasure, the Justin Bieber."

Geronimeoooooow!

2010-06-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

"Who said it couldn't be done? I'm gonna be the first cat to base jump. But I feel like I'm forgetting something..."

Cat Pride Day

2010-06-27T05:05:00.000-07:00

"Even I enjoy a little rainbow now and then."

Someone Needs a Blow Dry

2010-06-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not one of those pelicans in the Gulf. This is my natural color."

Minimalist Cat

2010-06-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

"I dare say, I would so appreciate if you would cut my food in a bit smaller pieces. Cheerio."

Stay Purrfectly Still

2010-06-24T06:16:00.001-07:00

"Mmmmph. When...do...you think...they'll let...us out?"

Avoiding High Cholesterol

2010-06-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

"What are you lookin' at? The doctor told me eating more cereal is part of a heart-healthy diet. You ought to try it, lardass."

Fuel-Efficient Automeowbile

2010-06-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

It runs on milk and gets 52 miles per gallon.

Do You Like My New UGG Boots?

2010-06-21T03:55:00.000-07:00

"I've got five letters for you: W. R. O. N. G."

Happy F-Day!

2010-06-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

"Guess what? Even some dads love rotund kitties."

Get a Human Friend!

2010-06-19T03:44:00.000-07:00

"Pssst. Is she gone? If I have to hear one more story about how I'm the only one that truly understands her, I'm gonna end it all.
By the way, has anyone seen my ears?"

Definition of Lazy

2010-06-18T04:09:00.000-07:00

"Um, excuse me. Could you pass me the remote?"

Feeling Puffy

2010-06-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

"Does my face make me look fat?"

Obscure Tom Hanks "Cast Away" Reference

2010-06-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

"We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, than to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn WATERMELON!"

and scene...

Waaay Too Literal

2010-06-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

"I have only one thing to say: Tastes just like chicken."

Was This a Craft Project?

2010-06-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

"Oh, thank you soooo much for my new friend. It looks soooo realistic. You really fooled me."

Um, I have a Few Questions

2010-06-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Seriously? Did you just put a frog on my head? Dude, what the f@@k is wrong with you?

Insecurity Breeds Loyalty

2010-06-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

"Don't worry, little one. I'll protect you from the mean, big human. You know, I overheard him say he wanted to throw you in the trash."

It Wasn't Me!!

2010-06-11T03:04:00.000-07:00

"I swear! I didn't leave that little present in your shoes. Or in the hamper. Or in the your coffee cup."

Early Riser

2010-06-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

"Yaaaaaawn. Well, it's noon, time to get the day started."

Strong Personality

2010-06-09T04:31:00.000-07:00

"If you ever want to see your car alive again, buy that mouse toy I like and feed me regularly."

Get Me Outta Here at Warp Speed!

2010-06-08T04:23:00.000-07:00

"Listen, I'm all for being a sci-fi fan. But your obsession with Princess Leia is really starting to creep me out."

A Buttload of Fur

2010-06-07T04:57:00.000-07:00

"Someone, please give this little girl a brush! I'm tired of being confused with the bathroom rug."

My New Spinning Class

2010-06-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

"Go ahead, turn the machine on. I've got to lose some of this winter weight and I've seen what it does to your clothes."

Friday Night Fun = Saturday Morning Done

2010-06-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

"Oh god. Uh. When will I ever learn to not mix beer, cabernet, and catnip? Someone please make the room stop spinning..."

Can YOU Find the Cat?

2010-06-04T04:05:00.000-07:00

"I love it when my owner wears cat camo. It's like I'm here, but I'm not."

Carbs Make Me Sleepy

2010-06-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

"No, no. I simply cannot eat another bite. Well, maybe one more. This is just too delicious to let it go to wa...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

It's in My Contract

2010-06-02T04:22:00.000-07:00

"Do you mind giving me a little space? I'm not going to look cute or make stupid purr noises right now. I'm on break."

Unfair Advantage

2010-06-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

"Of course you keep beating me. I don't have f'ing thumbs, moron!!"

Yes Sir, Catmander, Sir!

2010-05-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, you don't wanna get in my way. I'm here to protect and serve...myself."

Red, White, and Cat

2010-05-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

"Not only does it show my patriotism, the vertical lines make me look thinner."

How Irresistible Am I?

2010-05-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

"Hello, stud muffin. Are you glad to see me? Tell me again how gorgeous I am. I know you want to."

Without a Splash

2010-05-28T04:35:00.000-07:00

"This is the dive that won me the gold in the Barcelona Summer Olympics."

Home Weight Loss Program

2010-05-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

"Something doesn't seem right. Are you sure this is liposuction?"

When Priorities Go Awry

2010-05-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

"Bahahahaha! My experiment is a success. I can finally reach the top of the elusive china cabinet."

Caaaaaaaaaaatttt!

2010-05-25T04:47:00.000-07:00

"I know you're really into the World Cup and all, but this is bordering on ridiculous. Am I supposed to be a soccer ball or some weird Japanese mascot?"

Guess What Time It Is??

2010-05-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

"Forget purring, leg-rubbing, showing belly...you obviously can't take a hint."

So Wrong, It's So Right

2010-05-23T04:59:00.000-07:00

"Now, would this portrait be any better if we had been thinner? I think not. This is one of the many functions we chubby kitties provide to improve the overall quality of life."

Sarah Palin's Cat

2010-05-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

"Hey, you never know when a mangy dog is gonna walk into your bedroom. Ya gotta be prepared. You betcha!"

My Work is Never Done

2010-05-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

"Hold down the fort, my faithful sidekick! I'm off to save the Earth from its latest threat, Tar Balls."

Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Beautiful

2010-05-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking: the dreamy stare, perfectly positioned hands, pouty mouth...this cat is a professional model..."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

The Good Ol' Days

2010-05-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

"Yep, I remember when this neighborhood was filled with hyper children, lawnmowers, and pink flamingos. I was just a wee kitten then, full of awe and wonder. Well, looks like it's time to retire and head to Boca."

Please Gain the Weight Back

2010-05-17T04:48:00.000-07:00

"Yes, the gastric bypass was a success. I've never looked better!"

I Heart Sundays

2010-05-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

"I luv staying up late on Saturday and then sleeping in. I'm still dreaming about Betty White."

Madame Tussauds??

2010-05-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

"One of us is made of wax. You decided."

Kuntry Kitty

2010-05-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

"Listen, I don't know what y'alls 'city' cats look like. But out here, they call me Skinny."

I'm All Fluff

2010-05-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

"S-s-s-s-ee? I'm n-n-n-ot f-f-fat. I j-j-j-ust have a lot of f-f-f-fur."