Cat in the Box

"See? I can still fit in here. I really haven't gained an ounce. The box must have gotten wet and shrunk."

Treated Like Furniture

"What? There aren't enough chairs around here for you?? I know I've gained a little weight lately, but I'm not a couch!!

The Hypnotic Stare of Bliss

"Huh? Are you shittin' me?! Did you just say Banana Cream Pie?!?!

Girl Scout Gangsta

"Oh god, oh god, oh god. Don't let him find out. Please, baby jesus, don't...let...him...find...out..."

"Aw, hell to da no!! Who da f@ @k ate my Dulce de Leches?!?!

Oh, it's on now. I'm about to pop a cap in someone's ass."

It's Violet Vednesday Again!

"Hello, my dahlings. It's me, Violet. Today ve'll read some viewer mail...

'Dear Violet Vednesday, you are amazing and gorgeous. Will you be my wife?' --Mahatma Coat

- Oh, thank you, MC! But, as a two-year-old, I plan to stay single for another year or so. Don't vorry, I vill keep your letter vith di other marriage proposals.

Here's another:

'Dear VV, what's your secret?' --Cue Rius

- CR, if I told you, it vouldn't be a secret. I give you a hint: peanut butter.

Now for my favorite part...Ugly Pug of di Veek!
See you next veek, my dahlings!"

Defying Gravity

"Take a look for yourself. I've actually lost 24 pounds! Thanks Valerie Bertinelli!!

What? Oh...you have to step on this thing??"

Napoleon Complex

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here, Pat. I don't doubt your skit about the French Revolution is brilliant, but I'm still having trouble finding my motivation.

Oh, and remind me after the play to ask you how you make a living being one of those left-side-female/right-side-male impersonators."