Monday, May 31, 2010

Yes Sir, Catmander, Sir!

"Yeah, you don't wanna get in my way. I'm here to protect and serve...myself."

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Red, White, and Cat

"Not only does it show my patriotism, the vertical lines make me look thinner."

Saturday, May 29, 2010

How Irresistible Am I?

"Hello, stud muffin. Are you glad to see me? Tell me again how gorgeous I am. I know you want to."

Friday, May 28, 2010

Without a Splash

"This is the dive that won me the gold in the Barcelona Summer Olympics."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Home Weight Loss Program

"Something doesn't seem right. Are you sure this is liposuction?"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

When Priorities Go Awry

"Bahahahaha! My experiment is a success. I can finally reach the top of the elusive china cabinet."

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


"I know you're really into the World Cup and all, but this is bordering on ridiculous. Am I supposed to be a soccer ball or some weird Japanese mascot?"

Monday, May 24, 2010

Guess What Time It Is??

"Forget purring, leg-rubbing, showing obviously can't take a hint."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

So Wrong, It's So Right

"Now, would this portrait be any better if we had been thinner? I think not. This is one of the many functions we chubby kitties provide to improve the overall quality of life."

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Sarah Palin's Cat

"Hey, you never know when a mangy dog is gonna walk into your bedroom. Ya gotta be prepared. You betcha!"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Work is Never Done

"Hold down the fort, my faithful sidekick! I'm off to save the Earth from its latest threat, Tar Balls."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Beautiful

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking: the dreamy stare, perfectly positioned hands, pouty mouth...this cat is a professional model..."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Good Ol' Days

"Yep, I remember when this neighborhood was filled with hyper children, lawnmowers, and pink flamingos. I was just a wee kitten then, full of awe and wonder. Well, looks like it's time to retire and head to Boca."

Monday, May 17, 2010

Please Gain the Weight Back

"Yes, the gastric bypass was a success. I've never looked better!"

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Heart Sundays

"I luv staying up late on Saturday and then sleeping in. I'm still dreaming about Betty White."

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Madame Tussauds??

"One of us is made of wax. You decided."

Friday, May 14, 2010

Kuntry Kitty

"Listen, I don't know what y'alls 'city' cats look like. But out here, they call me Skinny."

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm All Fluff

"S-s-s-s-ee? I'm n-n-n-ot f-f-fat. I j-j-j-ust have a lot of f-f-f-fur."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Getaway Plan

"Here's my chance! Maybe if I lie here still enough, she'll take me out of the house with the rest of the garage sale items."

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Perception is Reality

"They tell me vertical stripes are slimming. And I've decided to believe them."

Monday, May 10, 2010

Care to Place a Wager?

"If you hit me again I will scratch your eyes out. Now, gimme my money, bee-yatch."

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

"Thank you for all that you do!"

Saturday, May 8, 2010

2 Close 4 Comfort

"Hello. Some call us creepy. We call it destiny. You will be assimilated."
"Hello. Some call us creepy. We call it destiny. You will be assimilated."

Friday, May 7, 2010

Think of the Weekend

"You think you've had a rough week? Hell, I've had a rough life. So get over it."

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Cat Fashionista

"Listen and learn: the well-dressed cat only wears Houndstooth. That's all those pesky canines are good for."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Just Breathe...

"Oooooomm. I need to find inner peace. Oils spills, car bombs, health care, earthquakes, Tea Parties. Oooooooooooommmmmmmmm."

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Looks Can Be Deceiving

"Hahahahahaha. Ooooh, that was the funniest joke I've heard all week.
What's the matter? Why are you running away?? Was it something I said?"

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Olsen Twins of Cats

"We sooo totally hate your Fat Cat site. Chubby is sooo not a good look. Everyone knows that thin is the new black."

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I Knead You Now

"Listen, Michelle, stop treating me like a piece of dough. I'm not gonna get any thinner the more you roll me."